Friday, November 26, 2010
Diary of a Imperfect Doll: Mirrors
Diary of a Imperfect Doll: Mirrors: "Hey Dolls and Dudes! I hope you all really enjoyed your Thanksgiving Day! We all have so much to be thankful for so I hope you shared all of..."
Mirrors
Hey Dolls and Dudes! I hope you all really enjoyed your Thanksgiving Day! We all have so much to be thankful for so I hope you shared all of them with your family and friends!
Holiday time in my house is hard. We lost my brother weeks before Christmas 3 years ago and my grandmother days after Christmas a year before. So needless to say its kind of hard to keep your spirits up this time of year. Yesterday however I was in a very cheerful mood, I wanted to make it a point to make sure my mom had a good day. So I made sure to keep my smile on, and the conversation light. But last night at work after I ate entirely to much:), I turned to my standby, SUGAR!! Oh yes and it was bountiful! Apple pie, sweet potato pie, blueberry cobbler! Then I had the nerve to be washing it down with soda honey!! I did it big!! I have a mirror on my desk, and at one point while i was thinking and stuffing my face, I looked in the mirror and didn't see the reflection I wanted too. It was the person who I'm trying my damnest to leave behind. I put the fork in the bowl and threw the little bit on pie that was left away. My first thought was disgust because I felt that I had failed. I had been working hard for weeks, and it was paying off and here I go sabotaging it eating this mess. Then I looked down at my left forearm at the scars I had created earlier last week when I also had a moment of doubt and disgust with myself. The rest of my night was rather quite. I tried not to think about to much other than how the hell I was going to get all this food out of me.
Today my family had to go to another funeral for a close family member. I opted to stay home in bed since I didn't get off until 3am. As soon as they left I raided the kitchen for sweets. And boy did i find it! I ate and with every bite there was regret, but I didn't put the fork down. I devoured 3 good pieces of cake in like 20 minutes, then went and layed back down. I messaged Kristi a friend on facebook and asked her how to turn off my sweet tooth. She told me to choose fruit that are high in fiber like apples, and even try to chew some gum to ease the craving. I in boxed her to thank her and to share some other info with her and she turned out to be the mirror that I was trying to avoid all day. Kristi was not going to allow me to use my depression as an excuse to eat sugar! Sorry Doll! She instead told me to lace up the shoes get walking or press play! And as far as the food I ate yesterday, that was yesterday, it cant be changed. She says what I know to be be a fact CHANGE YOUR FOCUS and IT CHANGES THE OUTCOME!
So finally I got up and went to shower to make me feel better, I still didn't LOVE the reflection in the mirror (bags under my eyes and dull skin) but I said it's okay, it will all get better. I pulled my hair down and put on a pair of shorts I could barley fit in weeks ago now I have so mush room it's time for a smaller size. I can't change what I've already done, I can just keep going.
So I must hold myself accountable for my actions and for my moods! Yes those were some good ass pies, lawd were they not good!, but in the end the lonely was still here and me missing my loved ones hadn't changed. But I had come to far to regress back to what I was. So I told myself early night doll, you have earned yourself a double workout tomorrow. 1 at 6 am and another 30 minute walk on the treadmill after work! (Yeay..not) ;0)
Holiday time in my house is hard. We lost my brother weeks before Christmas 3 years ago and my grandmother days after Christmas a year before. So needless to say its kind of hard to keep your spirits up this time of year. Yesterday however I was in a very cheerful mood, I wanted to make it a point to make sure my mom had a good day. So I made sure to keep my smile on, and the conversation light. But last night at work after I ate entirely to much:), I turned to my standby, SUGAR!! Oh yes and it was bountiful! Apple pie, sweet potato pie, blueberry cobbler! Then I had the nerve to be washing it down with soda honey!! I did it big!! I have a mirror on my desk, and at one point while i was thinking and stuffing my face, I looked in the mirror and didn't see the reflection I wanted too. It was the person who I'm trying my damnest to leave behind. I put the fork in the bowl and threw the little bit on pie that was left away. My first thought was disgust because I felt that I had failed. I had been working hard for weeks, and it was paying off and here I go sabotaging it eating this mess. Then I looked down at my left forearm at the scars I had created earlier last week when I also had a moment of doubt and disgust with myself. The rest of my night was rather quite. I tried not to think about to much other than how the hell I was going to get all this food out of me.
Today my family had to go to another funeral for a close family member. I opted to stay home in bed since I didn't get off until 3am. As soon as they left I raided the kitchen for sweets. And boy did i find it! I ate and with every bite there was regret, but I didn't put the fork down. I devoured 3 good pieces of cake in like 20 minutes, then went and layed back down. I messaged Kristi a friend on facebook and asked her how to turn off my sweet tooth. She told me to choose fruit that are high in fiber like apples, and even try to chew some gum to ease the craving. I in boxed her to thank her and to share some other info with her and she turned out to be the mirror that I was trying to avoid all day. Kristi was not going to allow me to use my depression as an excuse to eat sugar! Sorry Doll! She instead told me to lace up the shoes get walking or press play! And as far as the food I ate yesterday, that was yesterday, it cant be changed. She says what I know to be be a fact CHANGE YOUR FOCUS and IT CHANGES THE OUTCOME!
So finally I got up and went to shower to make me feel better, I still didn't LOVE the reflection in the mirror (bags under my eyes and dull skin) but I said it's okay, it will all get better. I pulled my hair down and put on a pair of shorts I could barley fit in weeks ago now I have so mush room it's time for a smaller size. I can't change what I've already done, I can just keep going.
So I must hold myself accountable for my actions and for my moods! Yes those were some good ass pies, lawd were they not good!, but in the end the lonely was still here and me missing my loved ones hadn't changed. But I had come to far to regress back to what I was. So I told myself early night doll, you have earned yourself a double workout tomorrow. 1 at 6 am and another 30 minute walk on the treadmill after work! (Yeay..not) ;0)
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Ready, Set....Blog: Breakdowns, Breakthroughs and Inches
Ready, Set....Blog: Breakdowns, Breakthroughs and Inches: "Hey Guys, I've been without my laptop for a week so I only entered two video blogs. But now I have her back so here we gooo!! This past w..."
Breakdowns, Breakthroughs and Inches
Hey Guys,
I've been without my laptop for a week so I only entered two video blogs. But now I have her back so here we gooo!!
This past week was very trying. I suffer from depression and anxiety. So there were so many triggers and obstacles that I endured this week. And yes I turned to my safety blanket food. Chocolate was my drug of choice. And after the eating, came the guilt. And the problem was still there. Then I did what I should have done in the beginning which was confront the problem, talk about it and keep it moving! If you suffer from either one of these disorders then you know in the mist of an attack you feel as though there is no way out or there is no need to keep going but there is......
My Breakthrough was exercise!! Cliche I know but it was! After talking to my family and friends. Instead of picking up another one of my nieces worlds finest chocolate bars, I opted to work out. I fell in love with walking. And found myself in garage at night working out, may sound crazy but it calms me down and releases all that tension. Its something about making it thru a hard workout that parallels my life. I told myself if I can make it thru a hour of Billy Blanks non counting ass or The Ladies of the Firm then I can face my issues. I also started walking the Ravenel Bridge which about 7 miles going and coming with elevations, plateaus and benches for push ups and presses. So needless to say I am choosing to o/d on exercise rather than chocolate:)
Through all of this the inches are coming off! I got on the scale and weighed in at 240! Super excited.. Last Saturday my measurements were B=48, W=34 H=54 and T=31. This week I am at B=46 W=32 H=53 T=30. I was so excited. Nothing better than seeing the results of your hard work. My appetite is picking up since the cardio and weight training has increased, so that's a great thing. Veggies and fruit are my best friend. I mix fish in there as well. I try to stay away from the red meat (my personal choice).
So there you have it, the week of Gina..The Imperfect Flawed Doll! Feel Free to comment and Share!!! That's why I created this blog...to share my life and to get feedback from others..
Nap then workout for me!! Happy Sunday All!!
I've been without my laptop for a week so I only entered two video blogs. But now I have her back so here we gooo!!
This past week was very trying. I suffer from depression and anxiety. So there were so many triggers and obstacles that I endured this week. And yes I turned to my safety blanket food. Chocolate was my drug of choice. And after the eating, came the guilt. And the problem was still there. Then I did what I should have done in the beginning which was confront the problem, talk about it and keep it moving! If you suffer from either one of these disorders then you know in the mist of an attack you feel as though there is no way out or there is no need to keep going but there is......
My Breakthrough was exercise!! Cliche I know but it was! After talking to my family and friends. Instead of picking up another one of my nieces worlds finest chocolate bars, I opted to work out. I fell in love with walking. And found myself in garage at night working out, may sound crazy but it calms me down and releases all that tension. Its something about making it thru a hard workout that parallels my life. I told myself if I can make it thru a hour of Billy Blanks non counting ass or The Ladies of the Firm then I can face my issues. I also started walking the Ravenel Bridge which about 7 miles going and coming with elevations, plateaus and benches for push ups and presses. So needless to say I am choosing to o/d on exercise rather than chocolate:)
Through all of this the inches are coming off! I got on the scale and weighed in at 240! Super excited.. Last Saturday my measurements were B=48, W=34 H=54 and T=31. This week I am at B=46 W=32 H=53 T=30. I was so excited. Nothing better than seeing the results of your hard work. My appetite is picking up since the cardio and weight training has increased, so that's a great thing. Veggies and fruit are my best friend. I mix fish in there as well. I try to stay away from the red meat (my personal choice).
So there you have it, the week of Gina..The Imperfect Flawed Doll! Feel Free to comment and Share!!! That's why I created this blog...to share my life and to get feedback from others..
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Ready, Set....Blog: Finding You
Ready, Set....Blog: Finding You: "In one of my previous blogs I told you guys about my motivation to get healthy. As I sat and thought about my real motivation to loose weigh..."
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